KUNG FUSED
by David Macintyre
Summary: Sonic and Shadow, kung fu masters, are thrown into a conflict of epic proportions and cheesy cliché. Their battle wages across an entire city, numerous movies and tasteless humor, and the fanfiction.net Sonic section. Warning-- heavy amounts of n00b.


Some of this may not be understood by the average reader. It originated on a blooper board at gamefaqs.com so there a couple of in-jokes (the biggest of which I removed), but I'm not sure how many people will understand the waffle cracks because I'm not sure where it came from. Most people on the board used it when referring to Omochao so I dunno. The original version, for original viewers on the original location, WAS the "Kung Fool" one that I did, this is the long version.  
  
Anyway this is supposed to be a parody of Sonic and Kung Fu movies. A bit of it is ripped off of Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, particularly the cow. Actually the matrix cow is the only thing I got off of Kung Pow so the rest is just a coincidence.  
  
This is just a silly piece of crap made because I was bored and wanted people to see the full version of Kung Fool (with a new name). Any flamers or people with not nice remarks will be read and promptly laughed at. I think this is a stupid piece of writing and I just made it for a chuckle on a blooper board, so if you're going to blame me for not making a comedy masterpiece, go eat yourself.  
  
There are references to other authors in this fic and I mean no offense to them at all. They are a few of my favorites and I mention them as a tribute, not a mock.  
  
Anyway, enough said, enjoy this silly work of kung fu goodness, no artificial colors or flavors. Okay maybe a little… a few… a lot… pure… I've said too much.  
  
  
  
------  
  
Sonic the Hedgehog in:  
  
KUNG FUSED  
  
A work of absurd humor by Tengu2  
  
------  
  
A long time ago, on a planet far, far away, in the furthest reaches of the universe, millions of miles away, on someplace I've never heard of before—  
  
Voice in theatre: Get on with it!  
  
Text: Sorry.  
  
(weird star wars opening)  
  
Text on screen floating away: About a year ago, Sonic the Hedgehog, defender of truth and justice, master of all that is blue and furry, battled his nemesis Dr. Ivo Robotnik—known more widely as Eggman for some reason--- for about the umpteenth time in his illustrious, no-career retirement life.  
  
In the midst of the clash, Sonic was mistaken by the idiot military (who can't make a distinction between blue and black with red stripes) for his new archrival, Shadow the Hedgehog, a hedgehog that claimed himself to be the ultimate life form.  
  
A battle of epic, earth-shattering, moon-kabooming, butt-pumping, virginity- losing proportions ensued in which the planet was nearly destroyed (and accidentally referred to as Earth). During the battle, Shadow made a cheesy, miraculous transformation to the side of good, and there were so many lives lost, buildings destroyed and pounds gained that the entire thing became known as 'the Ark incident' and never spoken of again. However, the important thing was that Shadow was dead and Robotnik had lost three pounds.  
  
Or so they thought…  
  
  
  
Scene: Sonic's house  
  
Time: About a year after the whole Ark incident  
  
Sonic is sitting in his dining room, eating breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, and a pint. Amy appears out of nowhere. Apparently she cooked the breakfast.  
  
Amy: Sonic, do you like my eggs?  
  
Sonic (after a pause): Uh… I didn't know you had any.  
  
Amy: No, you stupid head, I mean the breakfast that *I* made you, and *I* slaved over a hot stove for two days to make perfect, yet *I* still burned. (Pause) Oops, should've ended that sooner.  
  
Sonic: Oh. (Long silence. He falls asleep)  
  
Amy: Uh…  
  
Sonic (waking up): I'd like three, please.  
  
Amy: What, you want more? Well, I, uh…  
  
Sonic: Huh? Hey, you're not the prostitute.  
  
Amy: What?!  
  
Sonic: I mean, uh, um, I… I love you.  
  
Amy: Really?!  
  
Sonic (suddenly waking up and revealing he had fallen asleep again): What, who, where… (turns to Amy) Hey, you're not Rouge.  
  
Amy: SONIC!  
  
Sonic: What, whaaaat?!  
  
Amy: Do you like my eggs or not?  
  
Sonic: I didn't know—  
  
Amy: NO!!! THE BREAKFAST!  
  
Sonic: What breakfast?  
  
Amy: THE ONE YOU JUST ATE!  
  
Sonic: Oh. (looks down at the plate) I've had better.  
  
(Amy is struck by sadness)  
  
Amy (quivering): Wha… what?  
  
Sonic: Amy, (gets up) there's something I feel I should tell you. You're just not what I'm looking for in a food-preparation relationship, you know?  
  
Amy: Wha… what?  
  
Sonic: I mean, you're not a bad cook. But… well, I'll be blunt. Your rump roast is too fatty, your chicken breasts are never big enough, and your turkey thighs never taste very good on thanksgiving.  
  
(Amy fumes.)  
  
Amy: Why… you… chauvinist… (smacks him across the head and leaps on top of him, punching him repeatedly)  
  
Sonic: Ouch! (what was I supposed to put?)  
  
(suddenly Knuckles appears, following a loud gong, and does a bunch of fancy kung fu intro crap like off the Matrix, then beckons Amy with his fingers a la Seifer or Neo. Nothing happens, Amy keeps on beating the schnit out of Sonic. Knuckles does it again, again, and again. Still Amy is beating Sonic up. Knux is getting annoyed.)  
  
Knuckles: (whistles loudly)  
  
(Amy turns to look at Knuckles)  
  
Amy: What?  
  
(Knuckles beckons again)  
  
Amy: Eeeeww! No! (continues beating Sonic)  
  
(Knuckles whistles again, Amy turns to him)  
  
Amy: What?  
  
(Knuckles beckons)  
  
Amy: I said no! (returns to pummeling Pikachu, er, I mean Sonic.)  
  
Knuckles: The heck with this. (tackles Amy and punches her in the gut. This sends her flying through the sky, she smacks into Rouge, making a loud bouncing noise (in-joke #1!) and both of them fall to earth far away)  
  
Sonic (getting up): Thanx, Knux. (large red words read "World's stupidest pun". A few seconds later red text comes up that says "World's worst grammar")  
  
Knuckles: You're welcome. You can start by cracking me a beer.  
  
Sonic: Right. (Sonic tosses him a pint, which promptly gets spilt)  
  
Knuckles: You dumb fuck!  
  
Sonic: Fuck you!  
  
Knuckles: Up this, I'm leaving. Your girlfriend Amy's a pain anyway.  
  
Sonic: How dare you!  
  
(lunges at Knuckles for calling his girlfriend a pain and sends him flying as well. He just misses hitting Eggman, who mutters something about Sunday soar-thru-the-airers)  
  
(long silence. Wind and tumbleweed)  
  
Sonic: I suppose that's it then.  
  
(long pause. Another loud gong outside, Sonic goes to investigate. He sees Shadow terrorizing the populace and pushing old ladies down the stairs)  
  
Sonic: OI! SHADOW!  
  
Shadow: What do you want, you fake hedge—  
  
Sonic: Don't start that shit again.  
  
Shadow: Whaddayu want, beyatch?  
  
Sonic: I don't get it Shadow I thought you were good now.  
  
Shadow: But I AM good-- at this! Now go away, I'm doing my job.  
  
Sonic: No. As the hero, it is my job to-- (opens the hero manual again, striking in-joke #2)Ahem, "As the game's hero, it is my duty to come to the aid of villagers, townspeople and-- wait a sec. (looks in the back) Hey, this is the Final Fantasy edition from 1984. This is old. Why the hell have I got this?  
  
(The scene suddenly changes to Yuji Naka's office. Sonic is waving his manual furiously, making some kind of complaint)  
  
Sonic: All I ask is that I—well, WE—get up-to-date hero manuals so we can perform to the best of our potential, particularly manuals that don't derive from a different series altogether.  
  
Yuji (who looks and sounds like Ben Stein): Well, you see, we've been thinking of moving you into the RPG genre-slash-interest group…  
  
Sonic: What?!  
  
Yuji: Surely you've also noted your Phantasy Star Online costumes in two- pee mode.  
  
Sonic: But, Mr. Naka—  
  
Yuji: Please, call me Sir. We're on title terms.  
  
Sonic (the words reluctantly forcing their way out of his mouth) What does that half to do anything? And more importantly, have you lost weight?  
  
Yuji: Yes.  
  
Sonic: So what does the red HUmar costume have to do with anything?  
  
Yuji: As I said, we'd like to move you into new areas.  
  
Sonic: But, sir, Mario had an RPG, it would just be ripping off of his idea.  
  
Yuji: Yes, that's why our story is for once going to be completely original, unlike his usual save the princess idea. We are breaking new ground in plot writing.  
  
Sonic: Let's hear it.  
  
Yuji (pulling a piece of paper): Dr. Robotnik has stolen the chaos emeralds. Players take on the role of Sonic the Hedgehog and battle to get them back.  
  
(Long pause)  
  
Sonic: That's exactly the same.  
  
Yuji: What?  
  
Sonic: It's exactly the same as all the other games! You idiot, no wonder we went out of business!  
  
Yuji (uneasy): Don't you have a film shoot?  
  
Sonic (after a long pause, and he sounds like Arnie): I'll be back.  
  
(The scene changes back to the city, and Shadow is waiting impatiently)  
  
Shadow: Where the hell did you go?! I missed four chances to push old ladies down stairs!  
  
Sonic: Your days of pushing grandparents down elevatory aids and eating large packets of butter are over!  
  
Shadow: Okay, the first bit was fine, but where did the butter come in?  
  
Sonic: Oh… that's one of my habits.  
  
(Flashback to Sonic's childhood, he is in a psychiatrist's office, twirling a butter knife)  
  
Child Sonic: See, doc, when I was a kid, I got picked on a lot… I was the middle child. Manic and Sonya always got all the damn attention. I mean look at my name; it's just the result of Manic, Sonya and a bottle of beer.  
  
Psychiatrist: Mmm hmmm. (writing things down)  
  
Sonic: I strived to find a reason to live, some way to vent my anger… And then I found it. A self indulgence method, the uplifting, hope-bringing charms of which would normally only be read of in a Sean Catlett lemon. (Note to Sean and his readers: I agree fully with his theory on the topic which I will not disclose hear, you'll have to read it, so nyah! And you can't tell me you've never done it so NYAH!)  
  
Psychiatrist: Masturbation? At that age?  
  
Child Sonic (licking his lips): Eating butter.  
  
Psychiatrist (after a pause): You mean, (chuckling uneasily) on toast, or other foods. As a condiment.  
  
Child Sonic: No, I mean butter, solid, golden yellow butter. Straight out of the margarine tub… mm, I could go for some right now.  
  
Psychiatrist: I see. (drawing a psycho stick figure with a knife and hedgehog spikes, and writes the word CRAZY in large letters, underlined several times)  
  
(Back to the present. Sonic is shaking his hand as if he's having a Super- Sonic spasm)  
  
Shadow: Stop disappearing like that!  
  
Sonic: (sobbing): How come Manic got all the damn toys?! I wanted that robot more than him!  
  
Shadow: What the fuck are you talking about?  
  
Sonic: What the hell do you mean, you no-dicked loser?! Maybe that's why they call you a shrink! (returns to reality) Oh, Shadow! Did I just say that out loud?  
  
Shadow: Unfortunately for you.  
  
(Shadow leaps at him, and a DBZ style battle ensues. Hell, with their speed, it had to happen sometime!)  
  
Shadow and Sonic: Huh hu huh huh huhhuehe hhu hu ha hu ahaha (grunts not laughing)!  
  
(They punch each other and both are sent flying into walls. They stand up, panting like Rouge and Knuckles when they were done f… ighting. Have you played SA2?)  
  
Sonic: I know how to beat you… I have studied your weakness and discovered a weak link; you have a serious allergy to meat and other livestock-by- products, which are produced at a farm and taken to your local slaughterhouse and packaging plant, then shipped off to your friendly neighborhood supermarket. (In case you haven't figured it out I'm making fun of the way they talk too much on DBZ)  
  
To be continued.  
  
Nah just kidding.  
  
Shadow: Gasp! Not…  
  
Sonic: I am trained well in the art of bovine style kung-fused… HAKI SAKI!  
  
(He draws a fully grown jersey cow out of nowhere and throws it at Shadow. It lets out a resounding moo and the frame freezes, stopping the cow in midair. The camera rotates around it and when it unfreezes, it just misses kicking Shadow in the head, who does the Neo-dodging-bullets. The cow goes flying past, rather irate, and slams into a gas station, which promptly explodes.)  
  
Shadow: Honestly, did we HAVE to do that?  
  
Sonic: Yup. Look here—(pulls out the new edition Hollywood rulebook and flips to section 4, subsection 9)"Following the date of (whatever day the Matrix stopped playing in theatres), all spin-offs, parodies and general works of humor must include at least one parody of the Matrix, or they will be denied public release." (turns to camera) And we've all noticed, haven't we? (he's hit by a large chunk of cow intestine from the explosion)  
  
Shadow: Be that as it may, we've got a fight scene to finish.  
  
Sonic: Ah, right… (they ensue in another DBZ style battle, which ends in the two standing opposite a large street. Sonic starts powering up a la Goku)  
  
Sonic: Hurrr…. Hurrrrhhh… hruuurrrrgghhh.. hraaaahh… huRRRRHHHHH!!!  
  
Shadow: Do you need a laxative?  
  
(Sonic looks constipated. Suddenly he pushes out a very loud fart)  
  
Sonic: Ahhhh! Much better! (Shadow nearly faints from the smell. He is forced to wear a gas mask until the fumes subside.)  
  
Sonic: That didn't do it? Damn… Supercow ara-skatay! (I dunno what it is)(starts powering up for real this time. After a bit, and several destroyed streets, upturned, he turns yellow and becomes Super Sonic, a blatant ripoff of Super Saiyan Goku in every respect, down to the spikes and glowing aura. He grins widely and is suddenly bleeding like hell for no real reason)  
  
Goku, er, I mean Sonic: Hey! Wrong set! The bleeding effect's not mine.  
  
(the wounds magically heal)  
  
Sonic: See! If you beat the shit out of me I can get the director to heal me.  
  
Shadow: I know what you did to get that little privelige… I'll just call Sean Catlett.  
  
(Sonic shudders)  
  
Sonic: I told you, that wasn't me in the damn fic. It was some psycho pedophile.  
  
Shadow: Not THAT one. (pats his crotch) Come get another round, beyatch.  
  
Sonic: PHAW! That one was WEIRD! And it still wasn't me, it was some crazy actor dressed like me.  
  
Shadow: Hey, if I can get some cash for screaming Maria and getting head, I'll do it.  
  
Sonic: I'm going to kill you for letting him do that one… Speaking of which, I thought it was Rouge or some random girl until that end bit…  
  
(Rouge appears out of nowhere after a gong, shaking like mad)  
  
Rouge (sounds like Kyle's mom on South Park): What-what-WHAT, ME? How dare you think I could be attracted to that… that… that meshuggenah THING!  
  
Shadow: Hey, bitch, what about that fic we did together?!  
  
Rouge: You idiot, didn't vdogg tell you the script?! I cheated on you the whole time! Masturbating, my ass.  
  
(Shadow is shocked)  
  
Shadow: You unbelievable bitch!  
  
Rouge: Ah, tell it to the ass. (She walks off shaking her ass suggestively. She stops, turns to Shadow)  
  
Rouge: C… call me!  
  
(She runs off, embarrassed beyond belief)  
  
Sonic: Wait. How'd she survive? I saw her fall down to earth with Amy's fat ass on top of her.  
  
Knuckles: I'll field that one. (both are shocked to see him.)  
  
Sonic: I thought you were dead!  
  
Knuckles: Nope. Anyway, if anybody here has played SA2, you'll probably remember Rouge's hip drop move… she can shake the whole stage by dropping her fat behind onto it in a fashion like so. (performs a hip drop and makes a huge crack in the ground) I believe she has enough armored blubber in her thighs now to survive a fall of any height.  
  
Shadow: Could we PLEASE get on with this fight? Knuckles, this isn't your scene!  
  
Knux: As you wish. (disappears with a DING)  
  
Shadow: Now, where were we…  
  
(It returns to the setup after Sonic went apeshit and turned yellow.)  
  
Shadow: Toryaaaaa! (Shadow becomes Super Shadow, or whatever he's called. The camera quickly zooms in on his smile, and he grins widely. Sonic gasps like Speed Racer (awwh?).)  
  
Shadow (badly dubbed, with a croaky Chinese kung fu movie voice): Your bovine style is strong, but my chicken style WILL beat it! (he runs off)  
  
Sonic: Come back here, you faker!  
  
(After a long, drawn-out chase scene, Sonic corners Shadow, and a kung fu fight ensues)  
  
Shadow: Chaos Control!  
  
(Shadow reappears a few inches away, watching Sonic fight with himself. Sonic beats the crap out of himself)  
  
Sonic (lying on the ground panting while Shadow laughs): I will beat you.  
  
Shadow: I'll hook you.  
  
Sonic: Cut the crap. (leaps at him again and they start fighting. Suddenly there's ANOTHER gong, and both of them stop fighting. They turn to see Omochao with a wok and a wooden spoon)  
  
Sonic (badly dubbed as well): Oh dear, it is Omochao. (Shadow does the Speed Racer gasp)  
  
Omochao (can't be badly dubbed but his voice is very deep): You don't like waffle?! (possible in joke)  
  
Sonic: We weren't talking about breakfast items.  
  
Omochao: You don't like WAFFLE?!  
  
Shadow: No, really. We were just fighting.  
  
Omochao: YOU… DON'T… LIKE… WAFFLE?! KYAAA! (he just says it, he doesn't do anything)  
  
Shadow (falls down for no apparent reason): Arrg! He is strong!  
  
Sonic (a la Speed Racer episode): Omochao what has gotten into you, have you gone wacky?  
  
Omochao: (says something in French)  
  
Sonic (also badly dubbed and with croaky cheesy voice): Your waffle style may be mighty, but my bovine style WILL beat it!  
  
Shadow: You stole my line! Fagnuts.  
  
(Sonic throws a cow at Omochao. It does the matrix kick thing on Omochao, who promptly smashes its head open and fries it in the wok, making meat patty waffles)  
  
Omochao: Behold the powa of my WAFFLE!  
  
Sonic: Eeewwww!  
  
(Suddenly Amy appears out of absolutely nowhere, again)  
  
Amy: Stop!  
  
Sonic: Amy! What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Amy: That's right, I survived by landing on top of Rouge's implants!  
  
Sonic: Uh, we didn't ask…  
  
Knuckles (appearing out of nowhere again): Ah, so THAT'S what she did with the extra emeralds.  
  
(everyone including Omochao turns to look at him suspiciously, as if to ask how the hell he came up with something so gross.)  
  
Knuckles: I'll just guide myself out…  
  
Sonic: You do that.  
  
(Knuckles disappears)  
  
Shadow: How does he do that?  
  
Sonic: Amy taught him.  
  
Amy: You asshole! When have I ever been to a gypsy camp?! (in joke, it's another fic)  
  
Sonic: Ah, go cut your wrists.  
  
Amy: (quivering with anger at Stephen Zacharus) I'm carrying your child!  
  
(Sonic looks around)  
  
Sonic: Where?  
  
Amy: In my stomach you dipshit.  
  
Sonic: Oh… oh god! God, no! Don't even go there!  
  
Shadow (looking blank): I love you, Sean.  
  
Amy: Now, anyway… I have come here to assert my superiority of breakfast table preparation!  
  
Omochao: Whaaaaat?!  
  
Amy: That's right, Homochao (everyone laughs at the hokey comic book pun), I'm a better chef than you!  
  
Omochao: I beg to differ!  
  
(huge chinese letters appear, followed by a subtitle "Mortal Brunch")  
  
(The scene has changed to a Japanese court in front of an Edo gate. Shadow and Sonic are sitting in seiza, watching. An extremely fat version of Robotnik… is that possible? Is refereeing)  
  
Eggman: Here are the rules. You are here for a cook off! Whoever makes the tastiest, fattiest, sugar-inducingest breakfast delight for me and my 88 children wins the contest.  
  
Amy: 88? Jeez… hey, Nack, can I borrow your fridge?  
  
Sonic (referring to Zacharus' fic again): Naaaaaaackkk!  
  
Amy: Shut the fuck up!  
  
Nack: Eggs? What eggs? What makes you think I have any eggs? I don't have to stand here and listen to you accuse me!  
  
Amy: 1. I didn't ask for eggs. 2. You're a weasel. You suck eggs.  
  
Nack: Well, um, ah… I… aw, shit. You caught me. Take the whole damn thing. (slams a fridge down in front of her) No longer am I cursed by the distraction of my egg-filled demons! C'mere, bitches, Nack's the daddy! (runs off to his ladies)  
  
Amy: Fuckwit.  
  
Omochao: Yes.  
  
Eggman: COOK!  
  
(Amy and Omochao cook and cook and so forth. In the end, Omochao has made a humongous stack of waffles, and Amy a giant stack of fried eggs)  
  
Eggman: Ho! (devours the entire pile of fried eggs) Disgusting!  
  
Amy: Hey! What about your 88 children?!  
  
Eggman: All 88 of 'em! (points to his stomach)  
  
Amy: You mean… you didn't…!  
  
Eggman (sounding remarkably like Fat Bastard): AH ATE A BABY!  
  
(Amy faints, bagpipes start playing)  
  
Eggman: Oh, aye. BABY! The other OTHER white meat. BABY! It's what's for dinner! (Turns to the stack of waffles and tries to chomp one, but stops. His teeth break off)  
  
Eggman: Oh my.  
  
Omochao: What? Oh, I knew I shouldn't have used so much of that sugary syrup!  
  
Eggman: No, it's not that—(pulls out a waffle and flicks it, making a loud ping) it's just that you only make METAL waffles! Disqualified!  
  
Omochao: Noooooooooooo!  
  
(Eggman holds up the unconscious Amy's arm)  
  
Eggman: The winnerrrrrrr!  
  
(Sonic and Shadow clap, Omochao hangs his head in shame)  
  
Eggman: But I'm still hungry… (turns to Omochao) Hey… (licking his lips) He kinda looks like a baby…  
  
Omochao: Aw shit.  
  
Eggman: GET IN MAH BELLEH!  
  
(Omochao speeds off, followed by Eggman, who is singing a Chili's jingle. Shadow and Sonic are rather disoriented. Shadow turns to Sonic)  
  
Shadow: That's enough weirdness and fighting for one day, don't you think?  
  
Sonic: Quite.  
  
(Knuckles appears out of nowhere, meditating in midair)  
  
Knuckles: That is it, my sons. Do not fight. Find the middle ground… I say this, for I am now a championship Buddhist…  
  
Sonic: Would you stop doing that?!  
  
Shadow: What's this thing? (picks up a bra off the ground) Maria? (saying it while looking in the other direction and grinning. He begins to chuckle)  
  
Sonic: Will you stop saying that name?! Bitch!  
  
Shadow: Dear, can we talk about this later? (mocking him)  
  
Sonic: I'm talking about Maria! That ugly hoe, she cheated on me.  
  
Shadow: Well, that's—hang on! What the f are you on about?!  
  
Sonic: Well—  
  
Rouge: Hey! Gimme that. (snatches the bra and puts it back on without removing anything)  
  
Knuckles: Awww!  
  
Shadow: Why is it made of rubber?  
  
Rouge: So it can-- uh... never mind...  
  
(Long pause)  
  
Shadow and Sonic (as Blackie Chin, missdynamite.com): Ooooooooh, BOUNcy!  
  
Rouge: Shut uuuup!!!! Is it my fault Yuji's a dork?!  
  
(Scene flips to Rouge in an office with Yuji, who still looks and sounds like Ben Stein)  
  
Rouge: Listen, Naka, and NO I ain't callin' you sir! Everybody knows it, these things are far too big for a bat—(holds up her breasts)and they bounce a hell of a lot more than they should, you hentai!  
  
Yuji: I don't hear anyone complaining. Don't you LIKE having them?  
  
Rouge: Well… umm… (thinking) Damn, he's sussed me.  
  
Yuji (thinking): Ha! Sussed her.  
  
(There's a long pause…)  
  
Rouge: But… well, YES, but the rubber bra is a bit much!  
  
(She pulls down the pink bit of her shirt, causing Yuji's nose to bleed as he sees them bounce out of control until she pulls the pink part back up)  
  
Rouge: That's it, I'm sick of this! Draw me a new concept! I'm tired of being a lemon sex object to everyone, I mean, I've got to fuck everyone if I want to get anything, they won't take anything else! And you made me such a SLUT, I'm so sick of it!  
  
Yuji: All right, all right, I'll fix it… here, what would you like?  
  
Rouge: Well… I'd like to be a bit flatter, maybe as attractive as Amy. (which means: frigid) Give me longer legs, and make these wings a little bigger… oh, and I like necklaces… and… maybe a Transylvanian accent? (God I'm glad Sega didn't go with that tired cliché!)  
  
(Yuji is completely ignoring her and just scrawling his horny ideas. His nose bleeds as he writes down Rouge's new character concept. Rouge's hips widen, and her shirt gets skimpier. She objects when she feels her chest pushing out)  
  
Rouge: Oi! Stop that! Seriously! (slaps Yuji and tears up the new concept. She returns to normal)  
  
Yuji: But…  
  
Rouge: Fuck. Even Square is getting horny with Lulu. The Japanese are so kinky these days! First DOA, now this… (she walks out muttering.)  
  
(Yuji continues rewriting the concept but renames it "Rogue" so it won't take effect till he changes the name.)  
  
(The scene switches back to the street where Sonic and Shadow were fighting. It is consumed by a wave of golden bunnies, in joke #3, and people are running away. Sonic and Shadow are nowhere to be seen)  
  
Me (kneeling over the space between me and the laptop, which is uncomfortable because my back hurts and there's a lot of room to cover): This thing sucks! (erases everything up to the start)  
  
Me: Take 2!  
  
Amy: Sonic, do you like my eggs?  
  
(Everything is crushed by the Monty Python foot. The toreador song from Carmen—the bit before the chorus, you know, fast and beaty—as everything is scraped off of the scene by N*Sync and Britney Spears, who are now no- career stagehands, as they deserve to be for their talent. Implants! They in turn are consumed by the golden bunnies and suddenly the rabbits eat away the scene. It is replaced with a picture of a Chao in the Bruce Lee kick pose. It is a parody of the Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story poster. It reads CHAO: The Cute Thing story.)  
  
Chao: WATAAAAAAHHHHH!  
  
(It burns up and is replaced by loud organ music and a demonic laugh. Red eyes are in the middle of the screen. They fade out.)  
  
Me: Much better. (Gets up) I'm done for tonight. (I walk out of the room, satisfied that I wrote such a good fic, good in that it was so short and to the point. Remember the bit before got erased.)  
  
FIN  
  
***  
  
KUNG FUSING was written (poorly) by Tengu2. Special thanks to Sean Catlett, Stephen Zacharius, and Vdogg for letting an abusive little arse goblin like me publicly defile their names in my horrible fic, as no doubt people will think it rubbed off on them and they are worse writers now. Please don't kick my ass. Anyway I hope I won't have to resort to Sonic's tactics to get permission, as I am a poor soul that was born without the convenience of a mouth. All my foods are ingested through my fingernails.  
  
Merry Kwanzaa and a happy April Fool's Day to you all. Good night! (The Dreidel song plays, performed on Indian string instruments)  
  
***  
  
(Tails walks up in the middle of a black screen. He taps on the glass)  
  
Tails: Hello? Anyone still there? Umm… I'd like to make a complaint! I feel that Yuji has breached the conditions of our contract. It says here that I get a speaking part in every fic that involves fellatio. Since this one had jokes about it, I feel it counts, and Ms. Audrie said—wait—oh, I'm in it right now, aren't I?  
  
(long pause)  
  
Tails: Um… as you were.  
  
(he walks off)  
  
THE END  
  
UPDATE: Dumbest question in the world, does anyone want to see a sequel, as I am thinking about one? Whether or not it's an obvious yes or no depends on how many reviews I get that end in the word "Yes sequel" or "No sequel". Thank you. 


End file.
